You see I'm having a hard time to control my thought nowadays. I try to keep my thinking to the minimal when I am not working. All these sound and voices. I could tell that they aren't mine but I just could stop. The suggestions are so sweet and if I indulged in it; what would have happened.

Well at this time I am so thankful that there is a someone out there writing books and all sort of books. Books! Only when I was reading book or rather novel that I could concentrate and focus. The book cancel out all the voices and thought in my head. It was hard. I can't step out of the house without thinking that I might do something dangerous.

Its hard to find a place where I can have my coffee and also read my book in peace. Except my room. Damn! Its like searching for my utopia. Cause when I am outside, the thing that I see I'll be thinking about it all day long and it caused me to ignore my job and stuff that I suppose to do. I give myself a reason why I couldn't work or do something. By the end of the day, it's just depression.

Its so hard to keep myself sane these day. There is all sort of thought running through me and I'm trying not to act on it. Well topic about death popped a few times but never suicide. It's just that I want to feel full. Like there is something for me. Now it's just empty. I don't feel there is a need to rush to the front and work all the time.

I'm trying to find myself again. I can't really remember what I like or what I wanted to do. All those things that I surely have thought about when I was still a teenager. Instead of retracing the memories I would love to create a new memories. Past is already in the past but somehow it collide.

Trying to keep myself sane. *sigh*