Thinking Cottage

You see I'm having a hard time to control my thought nowadays. I try to keep my thinking to the minimal when I am not working. All these sound and voices. I could tell that they aren't mine but I just could stop. The suggestions are so sweet and if I indulged in it; what would have happened.

Well at this time I am so thankful that there is a someone out there writing books and all sort of books. Books! Only when I was reading book or rather novel that I could concentrate and focus. The book cancel out all the voices and thought in my head. It was hard. I can't step out of the house without thinking that I might do something dangerous.

Its hard to find a place where I can have my coffee and also read my book in peace. Except my room. Damn! Its like searching for my utopia. Cause when I am outside, the thing that I see I'll be thinking about it all day long and it caused me to ignore my job and stuff that I suppose to do. I give myself a reason why I couldn't work or do something. By the end of the day, it's just depression.

Its so hard to keep myself sane these day. There is all sort of thought running through me and I'm trying not to act on it. Well topic about death popped a few times but never suicide. It's just that I want to feel full. Like there is something for me. Now it's just empty. I don't feel there is a need to rush to the front and work all the time.

I'm trying to find myself again. I can't really remember what I like or what I wanted to do. All those things that I surely have thought about when I was still a teenager. Instead of retracing the memories I would love to create a new memories. Past is already in the past but somehow it collide.

Trying to keep myself sane. *sigh*

 I am the kind of person who aren't really good with socializing in my early childhood days. So writing and reading is like a refuge for me and due to my broken family situation somehow it makes me a little weird or should I say twisted (train of thought different from others.

After I attend school that is when I found out that I am somehow different from others and started to lern about human relationship.

While I was in high school, there is a place just in front of the shop where I work as a part timer. The shop has a kind of mysterious vibes to it. It is a shop that sell used books and also CDs. At that time I just got my wages and there is a kind of force that kinda pull me into the shop and I end up buying a lots of books and a few CD; spending all of my wages that day.

I had to walk back home instead of taking bus, while waling home I took the CD out and playing on my CD player while reading the book that I just brought. Somehow I was happy. Just me alone with my book and the music. The most unforgettable things that night is that the stars at the night sky was so beautiful there is no words to describe it. It's my and only small happiness.

There is a word that often came out when we talk about happiness.

DREAM

It's like we can only be truly happy and successful when we have out dream achieved. There is a lot of successful people in our society and sometimes when those people was interviewed thay would often said that the key to success is 'EFFORT'

"I put in tenfold more of effort than an ordinary man does. So , if you out in as much effort as I do you can be successful too. I wanted it so bad, that's why I do"

If you want it too than your dream would surely come true. Whenever I heard that I felt that we're being treated unfairly. Of course, what they say are true when they say that effort is important. But, it would be really nice if all it need was effort to achieve those dreams.

Fro those who haven't achieve their dream they are been seen as someone who doesn't want it badly enough or as someone who doesn't put in an effort to achieve their dream.

Well, I don't think that is right. That is why I had my doubts. It doesn't mean that I have to achieve the dream the day those dream are born.

Having a back up plan while working on it and while working on it do enjoy it. It wouldn't be a dream if we doesn't even enjoy the process of achieving it.

When people ask "What is your dream?" or "What would like to achieve in the future?", of course it would be hard to answer and it should be hard to answer. Take your time and think carefully.
Each and every dream is special, precious and also personal. So, there is nothing wrong whether your dream is small or big because after all the person who is going to achieve it is the person itself and the feeling of fulling those dream is personal too.

Dream and walk towards it in your very own pace.